3 Things Your Script Needs That Terrible Movies Lack

I've been reading a lot of scripts and watching as many movies as I can, both good and bad. It was in the bad scripts and films that crystallized what makes great movies great, and scripts intriguing.

I've noticed three main aspects of a screenplay/film that every writer needs to infuse in their script to ultimately end up as a great film. Inversely, I've noticed a huge lack of these three elements in terrible movies - which proves the point more-so.

Numero Uno (that's number one for the laymen) -- Make Me Care!

If you're watching a movie, and you're bored, more likely than not you just don't give a damn about the character, or what's going on. Many a times I've thrown back my head in the theater and muttered "Ugh, I don't care!" This has its roots in empathy. Why should we be rooting for the hero? Why do we want him to succeed? Why do we care?

Good Example: In Kill Bill Vol 1. The Bride, who's pregnant and at her rehearsal wedding, gets shot in the head after witnessing her fiance and friends die. In the hospital she's alive, but has been in a coma for a while, and during the coma she's been raped and her baby is gone.  Like... wow. That pretty much gives her a pass to do whatever she wants to exact her revenge. You have empathy for her, and you care that she gets justice. So we're totally down to watch her kill dozens of people to find out what happened, and why, and get her revenge. I care about her because I'm human and can empathize with her.

Bad Example: All Is Lost. Although an old man is about to die at sea cause his boat's sinking and there's a shark in the water that fails to do us all a favor and end his life - I didn't give rat's behind if he died or not. He didn't win me over, he didn't do anything to make me root for him, he's just another human trying to survive, which is good, it does elicit some empathy, but not enough for me to care.
Another quick example is almost any Adam Sandler movie as of late. Jack and Jill, That's My Boy, Blended, I didn't care, and many others didn't either. The character keeps playing a well off, rich guy who has very shallow problems. Shoot him in the head and rape him! Then I'll care.  Or have his grandmother in a crooked home while he's trying to win money playing golf to win back her home, then I'll care. Or give him a fatal disease. Funny People was his last great movie, for just this reason.

Make me care. Instill empathy, and elicit emotion in me via the hero. Cause if I don't care about them, I don't care period.

#2) The Hero Must Be A Changed Person By The End

The point of the hero's journey is to change him in the end. If he starts off as a blind, army vet that wants to kill himself, by the end he should want to live and be happy with his life. That's why I love Scent of a Woman.
If you're a neo nazi who hates Black people, by the end of your journey you better not be a nazi, and befriend at least one black guy, and denounce your racist ways. American History X does this perfectly.

Your hero has to change, or else what's the point?

And Three -- Conflict!

Conflict, oh, conflict. Obstacles, bad guys, depression, a sickness, please, oh please, give your hero as much conflict as you can.

In every page, scene, act, reversal, infuse conflict to the best of your ability. Without conflict you get bored, and when you're bored you don't care. Which brings this back to numero uno, make me care.

Gravity, holy Moses, Gravity was a roller coaster ride. With the second half being a straight free fall downwards. So much conflict. It never lets up. It made the film exhilarating to the last second.

Again, Kill Bill Vol 1 and 2, so much conflict thrown at The Bride. Being buried in a coffin alive, fighting off the Crazy 88's, being shot in the head! Hello! Conflict up the wazoo.

Now, there are some movies that don't have a personified antagonist, and they still are very exciting to watch. Little Miss Sunshine. They have conflict peppered throughout, but no one's really stopping them from getting to the pageant. A faulty van, some self doubt, it's all that gets in the way. But the story and writing are so well done, it's never boring. Hell there's even a death.

Superbad. Again, no antagonist. Even the cops are cool in the movie. The one, quick, slight antagonist is the guy who spits on Seth's shirt and doesn't invite him to his party. But so what? Jules has a party and he's invited, and that's what the movie's about. But still, for good measure, that guy gets a club to the face ala Bill Hader at the end. Which was well deserved.  The movie is layered with conflict and obstacles, though. Making it a fun ride, and full of laughs.

Conflict is the antidote to cure boredom in movies. If a movie is boring, it probably has no conflict.

One movie I want to point out is The Wolf Of Wall Street. I loved this movie from beginning to end. I just watched it again the other day. Flew by, despite it being almost 2.5 hours.
Here's some things I felt about it that go against these rules: I didn't really care about Jordan's mishaps. I'm sorry, I can't feel any empathy for someone who's stealing millions of dollars from hard working people then running into his own bullshit problems cause of it. You get little to no sympathy from me cause you lost your girlfriend, got arrested, and can't control your lude's problem.  But here's the thing, I was never, ever, once bored. And by the end, he was a changed person. He had his fair share of conflict, but that's like watching Hitler being beaten up by 20 Jewish boxers. Who cares about Hitler? He deserves getting his ass kicked.  WOWS did it well enough that it was a great movie.
Scorsese in general did a great job. As with Goodfellas, you still have a "bad guy" who's the anti hero, rich, mobster you're rooting for, but I think we get to know Henry Hill a lot better than Jordan Belford. We're okay with mobsters killing mobsters, rather than rich stock brokers stealing money from people who don't deserve it. Ya know?


So there you have it. Make me care, have a character change by the end of the story, and add conflict as to not be boring! It's all about entertainment and connecting with the characters. This is how you do it, and those who do it well are memorable films.

5 Drinks That Make You 5 Different Kinds of Drunk

Do different kinds of alcohol make you a different kind of drunk? Yes. Ever notice how intense, or mellow, a night can be depending on what your choice of poison is? All booze has the same ingredient, alcohol (ethanol), in them. It's just how concentrated that alcohol is. From least to most: Beer, wine, liquor.

Here's a list of five drinks that will give you a unique kind of drunk.

1) BEER -- What I like: Innis and Gunn, MGD, Kokanee, Stella, Guiness.

This is the go-to drink. And after a while, it's hardly considered a "drink" drink. You can have a beer and be okay to go on with your day. Beer usually has a 3-6 percent alcohol content. So it takes 4-6 to really have a good time.

 

How You'll Feel: After two beers, you'll get the light headed, floaty, feel good feeling. Your filter between your brain and mouth of things to say starts to open up a bit. You feel great, and you're not bloated. After 5-6 beers you'll be drunk. (Now, if you're a 6'3" 250 pound monster of a woman, or man, you should probably double the numbers here). So you're 6 beers in, working on your 7th. You'll feel a bit full. For sure you're burping, and you're a really, really good drunk. Don't go anywhere near your car keys, or your cell phone, cause you're bound to make a huge mistake. Texting a girl/guy you're too shy to flirt with when sober magically goes away, and you'll be asking them to have a fuck fest all night. Also, texting an ex usually ensues as well. Just don't. But, hey, I'm not talking to normal-you, at this point it's drunk-you and you'll do whatever you want. (Seriously though, give you keys to someone else if you're driving).

How this usually ends is a very very tired drunk. The hangovers from beer aren't bad either.

2) VODKA -- What I like: Grey Goose! It's the best. Bit pricey, but worth it. Skyy vodka in a pinch.

Dan Akroyd has his own vodka. Skull Head.

Ready to party, are ya? Well, vodka is your best friend, and worst enemy. Vodka is a party catalyst. Some (sick) people shoot it, some mix with juice (screw driver for OJ), you can add Sprite, Ginger Ale, or just tonic. I usually get a vodka, water, lime juice. When I really want to have a crazy time and forget the night: three oz of vodka with 3 oz of juice/sprite does the trick. After 3 of these you'll be the life of the party. If you're sipping vodak martinis you'll be a good, steady, buzz/drunk. I like mine extra dirty (more olive juice). Easier to drink.
Something about vodka & Red Bull.... tread lightly. Alcohol is a downer, and red bull is caffeine. So they kind of battle each other, and more likely than not, the red bull wins. So what this does is takes your vodka drunk and amplifies what you'll do/say. That can be dangerous, but also fun. Try it out, don't over do it. You'll see if you like it. I don't do this cause energy drinks are pure sugar and I'm already beating up my body with booze, so why kick it when it's down?
Now, I warn you, you don't want to hammer back too vodka. I was blessed with the liver of a Viking, cause I don't really get hung over. But, the biggest hangover I've had was when I chugged about a half liter of vodka.... you know, for the story. It was awesome, then funny, then scary, then I passed out. When I woke up I wanted to die.
How you'll feel: Ohhhh, boy. How you'll feel indeed. This depends from person to person. At times I'll be full of life, energy, and jokes.... others, I'll be sluggish, easy going, and nonsensical. So, you'll have fun, until you don't.

3) TEQUILA -- What I like: I wish I tried more, but Patron is good. Jose if you're in a bind.

If you're holding a bottle, shot glass, mug of tequila you've made some serious party choices. You're ready to have a good time, and you're also ready to take out anyone in your way of having a good time.
A few shots of this will get you messed up. Short from doing shots of Bicardi 151 (uuugghh!) this is the fastest way to get drunk. And you'll pay for it in the morning.

How you'll feel: After wanting to puke, it'll hit you. It'll go straight to your head. You'll be a more intensified version of vodka drunk.  I don't think there's much you can mix with this, unless it's in a cocktail. Tequila Sunrise perhaps.

4) WINE -- What I like: Too many to name. Pinot Noir, Merlot, Cab Sav, Shiraz. Depends. Apothic red, casillero del diablo, any barolo, ANY.

So you want to get shit faced, and stay class? This is it. Wine baby! It's so huge now. It's delicious. You can drink a bottle and be.... drunk, but not too insane. It goes great with food. It's just all around awesome.
Two things that suck about wine. 1) After a bottle of red wine, your teeth WILL stain. They'll get darker and a bit gross. So drink water after you have some wine. Another thing, it'll make you sweat / feel hot. Especially red. I guess this depends on the person, but it makes me sweat if I'm not just sitting own and chilling.   2) The hangovers from wine are the worst! I repeat, the WORST! Just take my word for it. You're super dehydrated, headaches ensue, and you feel like ass.

How you'll feel: You'll feel great. Chill, Easy going. After a bottle or so, you'll get drunk, and a bit wild. Sluggish. It's a slow, but fun, way to get drunk.

Tip* - Make a sangria! Get a fruity wine, add frozen berries to a jug of juice, mix it all together, you're set, friend!

5) WHISKEY -- What I like: JD, Jim Beam, Crown Royal, Balcones, Shoulder Monkey, Johnnie Walker (Blue, Black), Macallan 15 or 25.

Get ready to fight. When you have a few glasses of whiskey, you'll get drunk, and fast. I don't think everyone will want to fight someone, but it's an aggressive drunk. Everyone will know you're wasted, and not everyone might like the whiskey-drunk you have going on.

How you'll feel: Drunk. Confident. The cocaine of alcohol.
In the morning, drunk.

Neat, on the rocks, or with Coke, it's good every way you cut it. (Pun intended). Also, whiskey-dick is a real thing. So plan ahead - no point in going home with a girl if you're useless from the waist down.


So there you have it. Hopefully that helps you plan the kind of party animal you want to be.






Some things I want to mention: I believe that how you feel/are/state of mind you're in before you start getting wasted has a big impact on what kind of drunk you'll be. If you're in a shitty mood, down, sad, not looking to have a great time, when you get drunk you'll be a huge downer. If you're excited, in good *spirits* and are looking to have fun, you'll be a fun loving, hyper, life of the party drunk. So keep that in mind.

When you're wasted and trying to fall asleep

10 Things an Awkward Person Can Do At A Party (to feel less awkward)

Do you hate talking to people you don't really know in an awkward situation? I don't mean a hot chick / dude that you WANT to get to know and or bang. I mean when a friend drags you to a party, disappears, and now you have to shmooze with 25 people that are all talking about kitchen renovations, or The Real Housewives of Alaska, or Jay Leno, or anything that you're not in the know with and don't care about. People you wouldn't normally be around, but now you are.
Well, here's a list of things you can do to ease that situation.

What it can feel like being introduced to a friend's friend for the first time.

1) Keep your eyes peeled for a pet. If the place you're at has a cat, or better yet, a dog, a nice old dog that is friendly, you're home free. Having a pet to... pet, or hold, or play with (play with would be the best scenario) you have a great buffer between you and the rest of the awkward people around you.

Bonus tip: If there's food out - and it's a party, there better be food, grab some meat/cheese for the pet and you're guaranteed a good half hour with this life saving animal.

2) Drink. If you can't beat em, join them. Hopefully people are drinking. If they are, get a good buzz on. Try to scare up a drinking game.

3) Have a lighter and smokes. Even if you don't smoke, saying "just going to step outside for a smoke" is a good 15 - 20 minute escape to be outside, text (where it's socially acceptable without being rude/snobby), or if you're lucky, meet some people that are doing the same thing you're doing. You don't have to inhale. No one suspects a fake smoker. This is my ace up my sleeve. Not sure if this is stereotypical, but I find the more fun, cooler, easier going people smoke at a party. Of course there'll be a douche, or a bitchy bitch that smokes too, and will bum one off you, but that's the breaks. Everyone is really nice to fellow smokers. I don't smoke at all .... well when I drink I'll have a smoke, and this works great.
Bonus tip: If you're brave enough, having a lighter on you while you're around people who smoke is a perfect way to break the glass if you want to chat someone up.  I carried a lighter with me whenever I went to the bar, and offering a light to chicks that needed one was a great ice breaker.

4) Find the one who's like you. At a party there's at least 1 person who will play the following role: Ring leader/attention hog, 2 friends who talk only amongst themselves (usually girls), video game people, movie/TV people, and 1 or 2 people sitting alone, texting or just not drunk enough to get to know everyone. Finding these people, the same people that don't want to put themselves out there to get to know anyone, are your best friends. You should start by saying how weird it is not knowing anyone. Then they'll agree, and you're off!


5) Gay people. They're fun, funny, and always nice. Befriend some gay people. Sorry for the positive stereotype, but I love gay people.

6) Find the stoners. If people are smoking weed, totally befriend them. There are no easier people to hang out with and befriend at a party than stoners.

7) Find your damn friend(s) that you came with and don't leave their side! Tell them this party is shit for you and they better had not abandon you and start showing you a good time.

8) Lights, camera, cell phone. This is a reach but, pretend to get a phone call and leave the room. I can't say I've been proud of this one, but it works. Practice your acting chops.

9) Bond. Try to connect the dots of what people are talking about to something you know a lot about. If people are talking about Netflix, and you love Orange is the New Black, pipe up. Or if they talk about comedies and you love Will Ferrell, pipe up.  You'll find common ground and hit it off.

10) Be yourself. If you're shy, be shy. Fuck them. When people ask why you're so quiet, a great answer is "I'm just listening". Thank you Henry Hill - great line in Goodfellas. Usually people will ask formal questions to get to know you and you can decide how much you want to let them in or not.

Hope this helped! Let me know if any of these worked for you.

Pizza for a knight

I ride my horse, as knights do, and I find a new path. Stone laid. So I took it. And went for pizza.
The pizza establishment was great. They tried this new topping i hadn't ever heard of before, "ham". Well, after 45 minutes of deliberation I thought I'd take a gamble and give this "ham" a go. Moments later I was introduced to a pizza expert. He advised me that pineapple was a good pairing of the meat. Well, as you could imagine I was taken aback. Tropical fruit and a farm yard animal on one culinary adventure, together?
An hour and a half passed before I agreed to this new fangled topping. "Yeah, what the hell!" I shouted into the kitchen, startling the chef and waitresses. I prepared myself for this meal to lessen the pain.
8 pints of mead later and I was ready for this monstrosity of a mad-culinary-scientist's creation. The waitress, acting as if nothing was weird about this whole thing, placed the pizza down in front of me and walked away, wishing me good luck, I'm sure. As I stared at the warm fruit and pink pieces of this "ham" people were talking about, I was immediately stricken with a hard case of 'pizza's remorse.' "What have I done?!"
I screamed into the heavens. Fruit and pig in the same bite. This was going to happen. A more sober man would have the guile and foresight to just walk away, but the mead coursing through my blood sat my rear firmly to the bar stool.
I picked up the first piece and closed my eyes and pictured a more sensible pizza. The pepperoni and extra cheese was on special, why didn't I just do that, I'd save some silver, too. Oh well. I've come this far. I didn't become a knight by running away from fruit. So i took a bite... then another, and another. "How can this be?!" I screamed in the face of an elderly woman. I grabbed two pieces and folded them together. I took another bite. "Amazing! There are wizards working at this gastronomy lab!" I shouted to the children already running away.
As I finished the entire pizza in record time, I danced out of there with a satisfying grin on my face. Back to the castle up the less rocky road to the rockier road. Now that I think back, I forgot to pay. Never the less, this is how my fist son's name came to be, "PineHample." My life would never be the same.

Time Lapse Sphere Technology

A boy appears out of now here. He's running down a rocky path in a dense, humid forest, carries a small black sphere.

Behind him, he's being chased by three men in suits. Their guns not of this world.

Back to the boy - he jumps over a hole, grabbing onto a hanging vine. He swings his 90 pound body forward and continues to run.

He twists the sphere. Presses a few buttons and it begins to light up.

The agents shoot.

A bullet hits the boys leg.

He drops. Hard. Presses two more buttons on the sphere. And an out pour of blue light emits from the sphere.

The agents catch up to the boy. One shoots him in the head before the boy can speak.
"Too late."

The boy dies.

The sphere blinds the agents.

The boy runs down a rocky path, again.

The agents follow. Guns being loaded.

The boy takes a turn at the hole. Presses a few buttons on the sphere, and keeps running.

One agent takes a short cut. The other follows the boy.

They corner the boy.
He presses a few buttons on the sphere. it lights up. He disappears.
Back at the hole, he swings across and keeps running.

He finds his last resting spot.
The agents, confused, call in their failure. "We lost him."

The boy dials a few numbers on the sphere, and he's gone.

C-Tates to ruin Gambit movie!

C-Tate will be the new Gambit, thanks to Lauren Shuler Donner - who apparently knows nothing about casting, acting, X-Men, X-Men fans, Gambit, Channing Tatum, comic books, movies, fan base support, source material, or right choices. 

Magic Mike isn't Gambit. C-tate is Magic Mike, and that's the peak of his acting chops.

Gambit (Remy Le Beau) is a womanizing, card shark that puts kinetic energy into anything he touches, at will.  C-Tates is a gapped tooth moron - see the disconnect?

This is a lazy, dumb, irresponsible, illogical casting choice. Just cause he "really really wants to be Gambit" by no means says he should.

I can't picture C-Tate doing a French Cajun accent, and seeing him try will pull everyone out of the movie. I hope this flops. So hard that Lauren Shuler considers another career. I don't hate Tatum, but I hate him for this role.

Gambit has a huge role in the Age of Apocalypse - this ins't 21 Jump Street.
I hope the fans can come together to petition this removal of him in this movie. Much like 50 Shades of Grey did.

God help us all

And The Oscar doesn't go to....

Take THAT American Hustle / David O. Russell.

Hopefully if you're reading this, and yes I humor myself that other people read my blog, you've seen The Oscars already.  If you haven't and don't want to hear any SPOILERS, consider this a spoiler alert! Turn and run! I'll give you time....

Okay, so you've seen the Oscars. And while Wolf of Wall Street should have swept, I'm glad Gravity did. Beacuse that means American Hustle, the most boring piece of garbage to come out of 2013, didn't win. 0-10! That restored my faith in the Academy and Humanity.  As long as Gravity kept winning and American Hustle kept crystallizing into their reality, I was happy. You don't see piranhas eating piranhas - so good job Alfonzo and Gravity.

I did LOVE Gravity. I think it ran over 2 hours and change but I was never once bored. More than half the movie was intense, exhilarating and tons of conflict made the story better. A great film to learn from.

While 12 Years a Slave was good, it wasn't the BEST film of the year. That would go to Gravity or Wolf of Wall Street. 

Again, Leo got snubbed. He is a WAY better actor than Matthew, I'm sorry, but he just is. What the hell does Leo have to do to get an Oscar win?!  Wolf of Wall Street was the best directed, acted and overall picture of 2013.  12 Years was, as I called it, Slave porn.  It was less violent than Tarantino's slave movie, and that says a lot.

I'm still tired and a bit hung over from last night's Oscar party, so I'm going to end it here and not ramble on, ala Jared Leto acceptance speech.

Pompeii, all the way!

Hey, Pompeii, screening today. Yay!
Ok, ok, got my rhyming itch scratched. 

I'm excited to see this tonight, I haven't read any reviews or anything, I like to go in fresh! Even though I know how it ends. *Spoiler alert* A volcano has its way with everyone in Pompeii. And if that was a real spoiler for you, your history teacher should be ashamed of himself.


I'm really excited for these Roman era films, and Biblical period piece. Hoping they'll do well so my Biblical screenplay that I wrote and is making its way around Hollywood is seen as something that will be profitable. But of course that's not the only reason, I'm at artist first and a Capitalist second (hah). I love the resurgence of Biblical stories: Noah, Moses etc... and love that they're getting a Hollywood facelift and brought to everyone in a dramatic way. The Ten Commandments is a classic, one I watch as if the first time every Easter.

Noah is going through a bit of controversy because Variety had a poll that tied the movie in with Bible thumpers that didn't like the movie. Something I believe that holds true: no press is bad press. This controversy is exactly what I hope my script (and eventual film - fingers crossed) gets. It has people talking, arguing, debating. And if someone says not to see something, many will.

Dogma was privy to this kind of press, and ended up being one of Kevin Smith's best films. Note: Kevin Smith himself walked a picket line (picket line? is that right?) well he protested against Dogma with a group of church goers. It was hilarious and there's a news video of it on Youtube, check it out.

... ok i did the leg work for you. Here's the video. Jump to 2:24 for the juicy bits. So funny.

ANYway.  Hope Pompeii is good (obviously) and I hope it starts and lasts as it will end: with a blast. Waaaa waa.

If I can battle through my procrastination I'll come back at cha with a review.

Ciao