I made a thing -- The Pre-Drink movie

WELP! I made a movie.

A feature length comedy. It took almost every weekend for 5 months, but we did it.

Right now it's in post production, or as I like to call it, fucking hell. I thought I liked editing, but guess what? 15 minutes could save you 15 percent or more--- I mean, I don't!  Going to get in a real editor with real editor eyes to give this a real pass.

I loved (mostly) every second of it. I got two really funny comedians to be in it, and they turned out to be better actors that I could have ever hoped for. The rest were great, smart, creative, and fun to work with. The project wasn't without its egos and pains in the ass, but it's a small price to pay for a writer/director to have a feature under his belt that he's proud of.

The movie is called The Pre-Drink. Here's the link to the website.

 www.thepredrinkmovie.com

As soon as I cut a trailer I'll drop it here.

Till then, drink up, be merry.

Hooooleeeeee cowwww. I'm back!

To the millions of readers of this blog -- I'm back!  To say I took a haitus is an understatement.

I'm going to write here regularly for two reasons.

1) I got a sweet new keyboard. It's mechanical, and lights up, and it's awesome. I can listen to this thing all day.

2) It'll help me with the rest of my writing.


Few things I'm going to start focusing on.

Fortnite has taken over my life - and if you've played even 5 minutes of this fabulous game, you understand what I'm talking about.

Writing. Screenwriting, blog writing, jotting down notes, any kind of creative writing imma write about!

Movies. When I really need to vent or want to champion a movie.


In summation: fuck Trump.

Shave Like A Man with Wet Shave Club

My face and I have had the privilege, and spa-like treatment, with Wet Shave Club’s supplemental box of shaving oils, aftershaves, soaps, creams, face washes, and blades. After two very close and refreshing shaves I was amazed and delighted with all these products.

I stared my shaving routine with some premium shaving cream: Edwin Jagger’s Sandalwood shaving cream. I don’t know how I went this long without sandalwood scented anything in my life, but this cream is a must for any guy. Sandalwood is my new best friend. I didn’t need much, and it wasn’t an in-your-face err nose scent. It was perfectly subtle, and softened up the skin nicely. I also ended the shave with an aftershave lotion by the same company. The scent? You guessed it - sandalwood. I just can’t get enough.

Trig silver edge steel blades were provided this month. Very sharp, gave me a very close shave. Great blades.

Before I lathered up for my second shave, I used the Sudsy Soapery Shave Oil Twice Mint. This is a very versatile product. You can use it as a pre-shave treatment, aftershave oil, to actually shave with, or as a facial conditioner. It’s magic in a bottle. Not an overbearing mint scent and leaves your skin feeling new and refreshed.

I used the Ellingtons shaving soap in round two. It came in a great little plastic bowl-like holder so I didn’t have to get a mug out of my kitchen cabinet to mix the lather. Loved it. A nice, thick lather built up quickly, and I was on my way.

This time, for an after shave, I used the Crow & Sparrow Wares Aftershave Tonic – cedar saffron. Went on light, didn’t sting (my nose or small cuts) and smelled great. Again, subtle and pleasant.  

The last product was Kale Naturals 3-in-1 wash. Mint scented. Used to cleanse and hydrate your face. This felt like a gulp of water for my facial skin. Loved it.

If you want to feel and smell like a man, at least from the neck up, these products should definitely be a part of your shaving toolbox. I’ve literally never gotten a better shave, and felt so refreshed, with a great smelling aftershave before. My face looked great, smelt great, and felt great after the shaves, and the compliments I’ve gotten from women make me feel even better. My face owes a great thanks to Wet Shave Club, and sandalwood!

Be sure to check out their website. http://www.wetshaveclub.com/

Oscars, Oscars, Ra Ra Ra!

The 87th Academy Awards will air in 12 days.

It seems every year there's at least (but usually) one film that pisses me off for 2 reasons. 1) It got made. 2) It's getting recognized by the Academy with a ton of nominations.

Last year it was American Hustle, this year it's Boyhood.

Last year was a great outcome. American Hustle got nominated for a bunch of Oscars, critics drinking the kool aid raved about it, and for some reason it had a ton of buzz around it. I guess some of that was the heat coming off of Silver Linings Playbook, for David O. Russell, J-Law, and Brad-Coop.   American Hustle sucked. I couldn't remember one scene from it. Nothing memorable. The actors did a great job, the wigs were.... cool. But that's it.

Then it was Oscar night and the best thing ever happened. Snub city for American Hustle! It was so so so good. Faith restored in The Academy and the Universe.

I'm hoping to high heaven the same thing happens with Boyhood. I hated Boyhood. HATED. There was nothing good about it, except Ethan Hawke. Patricia Arquette can't act, the dude who played the boy was hated, and a bit of a douche, there was no story, nothing happened, no conflict, it shouldn't have been about the boy cause more happened to the mom, it was way way too long, it was gimmicky with the whole "this took 12 years to shoot" thing - which means Linklater used about 15 minutes of film for just over a decade. That's not impressive! What's impressive is Dallas Buyers Club being shot for 2 weeks.  So it's a terrible movie, fine, whatever. Then to add insult to injury, it gets a bunch of Oscar nominations. Ugh! Really?! This is why people hate the Oscars. Cause Dancing With Wolves beat out Goodfellas, and no one could give 2 shits about Dancing With Wolves now. What has Kevin Costner directed since? Martin Scorsese is a legend.

I just hope the Academy doesn't make the same mistake. I hope Boyhood goes the way of American Hustle and doesn't win a thing - cause it doesn't deserve it.

I think Birdman will sweep. Birdman is revolutionary. Grand Budapest Hotel should win a bunch too. My favorite movie of 2014 is Whiplash. Go see it! Amazing movie. Nightcrawler was great too. Broke a lot of rules in screenwriting and it's just a great, engrossing movie.  I'm so glad last year churned out some fantastic movies, and Boyhood should be happy to even be in the same arena as those greats. I have faith that there's too many great film nominated for Boyhood to win.

Guess this was more of a post about how much I hate Boyhood. Ha. oops.  Oh well.

Alright I need a beer.

3 Things Your Script Needs That Terrible Movies Lack

I've been reading a lot of scripts and watching as many movies as I can, both good and bad. It was in the bad scripts and films that crystallized what makes great movies great, and scripts intriguing.

I've noticed three main aspects of a screenplay/film that every writer needs to infuse in their script to ultimately end up as a great film. Inversely, I've noticed a huge lack of these three elements in terrible movies - which proves the point more-so.

Numero Uno (that's number one for the laymen) -- Make Me Care!

If you're watching a movie, and you're bored, more likely than not you just don't give a damn about the character, or what's going on. Many a times I've thrown back my head in the theater and muttered "Ugh, I don't care!" This has its roots in empathy. Why should we be rooting for the hero? Why do we want him to succeed? Why do we care?

Good Example: In Kill Bill Vol 1. The Bride, who's pregnant and at her rehearsal wedding, gets shot in the head after witnessing her fiance and friends die. In the hospital she's alive, but has been in a coma for a while, and during the coma she's been raped and her baby is gone.  Like... wow. That pretty much gives her a pass to do whatever she wants to exact her revenge. You have empathy for her, and you care that she gets justice. So we're totally down to watch her kill dozens of people to find out what happened, and why, and get her revenge. I care about her because I'm human and can empathize with her.

Bad Example: All Is Lost. Although an old man is about to die at sea cause his boat's sinking and there's a shark in the water that fails to do us all a favor and end his life - I didn't give rat's behind if he died or not. He didn't win me over, he didn't do anything to make me root for him, he's just another human trying to survive, which is good, it does elicit some empathy, but not enough for me to care.
Another quick example is almost any Adam Sandler movie as of late. Jack and Jill, That's My Boy, Blended, I didn't care, and many others didn't either. The character keeps playing a well off, rich guy who has very shallow problems. Shoot him in the head and rape him! Then I'll care.  Or have his grandmother in a crooked home while he's trying to win money playing golf to win back her home, then I'll care. Or give him a fatal disease. Funny People was his last great movie, for just this reason.

Make me care. Instill empathy, and elicit emotion in me via the hero. Cause if I don't care about them, I don't care period.

#2) The Hero Must Be A Changed Person By The End

The point of the hero's journey is to change him in the end. If he starts off as a blind, army vet that wants to kill himself, by the end he should want to live and be happy with his life. That's why I love Scent of a Woman.
If you're a neo nazi who hates Black people, by the end of your journey you better not be a nazi, and befriend at least one black guy, and denounce your racist ways. American History X does this perfectly.

Your hero has to change, or else what's the point?

And Three -- Conflict!

Conflict, oh, conflict. Obstacles, bad guys, depression, a sickness, please, oh please, give your hero as much conflict as you can.

In every page, scene, act, reversal, infuse conflict to the best of your ability. Without conflict you get bored, and when you're bored you don't care. Which brings this back to numero uno, make me care.

Gravity, holy Moses, Gravity was a roller coaster ride. With the second half being a straight free fall downwards. So much conflict. It never lets up. It made the film exhilarating to the last second.

Again, Kill Bill Vol 1 and 2, so much conflict thrown at The Bride. Being buried in a coffin alive, fighting off the Crazy 88's, being shot in the head! Hello! Conflict up the wazoo.

Now, there are some movies that don't have a personified antagonist, and they still are very exciting to watch. Little Miss Sunshine. They have conflict peppered throughout, but no one's really stopping them from getting to the pageant. A faulty van, some self doubt, it's all that gets in the way. But the story and writing are so well done, it's never boring. Hell there's even a death.

Superbad. Again, no antagonist. Even the cops are cool in the movie. The one, quick, slight antagonist is the guy who spits on Seth's shirt and doesn't invite him to his party. But so what? Jules has a party and he's invited, and that's what the movie's about. But still, for good measure, that guy gets a club to the face ala Bill Hader at the end. Which was well deserved.  The movie is layered with conflict and obstacles, though. Making it a fun ride, and full of laughs.

Conflict is the antidote to cure boredom in movies. If a movie is boring, it probably has no conflict.

One movie I want to point out is The Wolf Of Wall Street. I loved this movie from beginning to end. I just watched it again the other day. Flew by, despite it being almost 2.5 hours.
Here's some things I felt about it that go against these rules: I didn't really care about Jordan's mishaps. I'm sorry, I can't feel any empathy for someone who's stealing millions of dollars from hard working people then running into his own bullshit problems cause of it. You get little to no sympathy from me cause you lost your girlfriend, got arrested, and can't control your lude's problem.  But here's the thing, I was never, ever, once bored. And by the end, he was a changed person. He had his fair share of conflict, but that's like watching Hitler being beaten up by 20 Jewish boxers. Who cares about Hitler? He deserves getting his ass kicked.  WOWS did it well enough that it was a great movie.
Scorsese in general did a great job. As with Goodfellas, you still have a "bad guy" who's the anti hero, rich, mobster you're rooting for, but I think we get to know Henry Hill a lot better than Jordan Belford. We're okay with mobsters killing mobsters, rather than rich stock brokers stealing money from people who don't deserve it. Ya know?


So there you have it. Make me care, have a character change by the end of the story, and add conflict as to not be boring! It's all about entertainment and connecting with the characters. This is how you do it, and those who do it well are memorable films.

5 Drinks That Make You 5 Different Kinds of Drunk

Do different kinds of alcohol make you a different kind of drunk? Yes. Ever notice how intense, or mellow, a night can be depending on what your choice of poison is? All booze has the same ingredient, alcohol (ethanol), in them. It's just how concentrated that alcohol is. From least to most: Beer, wine, liquor.

Here's a list of five drinks that will give you a unique kind of drunk.

1) BEER -- What I like: Innis and Gunn, MGD, Kokanee, Stella, Guiness.

This is the go-to drink. And after a while, it's hardly considered a "drink" drink. You can have a beer and be okay to go on with your day. Beer usually has a 3-6 percent alcohol content. So it takes 4-6 to really have a good time.

 

How You'll Feel: After two beers, you'll get the light headed, floaty, feel good feeling. Your filter between your brain and mouth of things to say starts to open up a bit. You feel great, and you're not bloated. After 5-6 beers you'll be drunk. (Now, if you're a 6'3" 250 pound monster of a woman, or man, you should probably double the numbers here). So you're 6 beers in, working on your 7th. You'll feel a bit full. For sure you're burping, and you're a really, really good drunk. Don't go anywhere near your car keys, or your cell phone, cause you're bound to make a huge mistake. Texting a girl/guy you're too shy to flirt with when sober magically goes away, and you'll be asking them to have a fuck fest all night. Also, texting an ex usually ensues as well. Just don't. But, hey, I'm not talking to normal-you, at this point it's drunk-you and you'll do whatever you want. (Seriously though, give you keys to someone else if you're driving).

How this usually ends is a very very tired drunk. The hangovers from beer aren't bad either.

2) VODKA -- What I like: Grey Goose! It's the best. Bit pricey, but worth it. Skyy vodka in a pinch.

Dan Akroyd has his own vodka. Skull Head.

Ready to party, are ya? Well, vodka is your best friend, and worst enemy. Vodka is a party catalyst. Some (sick) people shoot it, some mix with juice (screw driver for OJ), you can add Sprite, Ginger Ale, or just tonic. I usually get a vodka, water, lime juice. When I really want to have a crazy time and forget the night: three oz of vodka with 3 oz of juice/sprite does the trick. After 3 of these you'll be the life of the party. If you're sipping vodak martinis you'll be a good, steady, buzz/drunk. I like mine extra dirty (more olive juice). Easier to drink.
Something about vodka & Red Bull.... tread lightly. Alcohol is a downer, and red bull is caffeine. So they kind of battle each other, and more likely than not, the red bull wins. So what this does is takes your vodka drunk and amplifies what you'll do/say. That can be dangerous, but also fun. Try it out, don't over do it. You'll see if you like it. I don't do this cause energy drinks are pure sugar and I'm already beating up my body with booze, so why kick it when it's down?
Now, I warn you, you don't want to hammer back too vodka. I was blessed with the liver of a Viking, cause I don't really get hung over. But, the biggest hangover I've had was when I chugged about a half liter of vodka.... you know, for the story. It was awesome, then funny, then scary, then I passed out. When I woke up I wanted to die.
How you'll feel: Ohhhh, boy. How you'll feel indeed. This depends from person to person. At times I'll be full of life, energy, and jokes.... others, I'll be sluggish, easy going, and nonsensical. So, you'll have fun, until you don't.

3) TEQUILA -- What I like: I wish I tried more, but Patron is good. Jose if you're in a bind.

If you're holding a bottle, shot glass, mug of tequila you've made some serious party choices. You're ready to have a good time, and you're also ready to take out anyone in your way of having a good time.
A few shots of this will get you messed up. Short from doing shots of Bicardi 151 (uuugghh!) this is the fastest way to get drunk. And you'll pay for it in the morning.

How you'll feel: After wanting to puke, it'll hit you. It'll go straight to your head. You'll be a more intensified version of vodka drunk.  I don't think there's much you can mix with this, unless it's in a cocktail. Tequila Sunrise perhaps.

4) WINE -- What I like: Too many to name. Pinot Noir, Merlot, Cab Sav, Shiraz. Depends. Apothic red, casillero del diablo, any barolo, ANY.

So you want to get shit faced, and stay class? This is it. Wine baby! It's so huge now. It's delicious. You can drink a bottle and be.... drunk, but not too insane. It goes great with food. It's just all around awesome.
Two things that suck about wine. 1) After a bottle of red wine, your teeth WILL stain. They'll get darker and a bit gross. So drink water after you have some wine. Another thing, it'll make you sweat / feel hot. Especially red. I guess this depends on the person, but it makes me sweat if I'm not just sitting own and chilling.   2) The hangovers from wine are the worst! I repeat, the WORST! Just take my word for it. You're super dehydrated, headaches ensue, and you feel like ass.

How you'll feel: You'll feel great. Chill, Easy going. After a bottle or so, you'll get drunk, and a bit wild. Sluggish. It's a slow, but fun, way to get drunk.

Tip* - Make a sangria! Get a fruity wine, add frozen berries to a jug of juice, mix it all together, you're set, friend!

5) WHISKEY -- What I like: JD, Jim Beam, Crown Royal, Balcones, Shoulder Monkey, Johnnie Walker (Blue, Black), Macallan 15 or 25.

Get ready to fight. When you have a few glasses of whiskey, you'll get drunk, and fast. I don't think everyone will want to fight someone, but it's an aggressive drunk. Everyone will know you're wasted, and not everyone might like the whiskey-drunk you have going on.

How you'll feel: Drunk. Confident. The cocaine of alcohol.
In the morning, drunk.

Neat, on the rocks, or with Coke, it's good every way you cut it. (Pun intended). Also, whiskey-dick is a real thing. So plan ahead - no point in going home with a girl if you're useless from the waist down.


So there you have it. Hopefully that helps you plan the kind of party animal you want to be.






Some things I want to mention: I believe that how you feel/are/state of mind you're in before you start getting wasted has a big impact on what kind of drunk you'll be. If you're in a shitty mood, down, sad, not looking to have a great time, when you get drunk you'll be a huge downer. If you're excited, in good *spirits* and are looking to have fun, you'll be a fun loving, hyper, life of the party drunk. So keep that in mind.

When you're wasted and trying to fall asleep

10 Things an Awkward Person Can Do At A Party (to feel less awkward)

Do you hate talking to people you don't really know in an awkward situation? I don't mean a hot chick / dude that you WANT to get to know and or bang. I mean when a friend drags you to a party, disappears, and now you have to shmooze with 25 people that are all talking about kitchen renovations, or The Real Housewives of Alaska, or Jay Leno, or anything that you're not in the know with and don't care about. People you wouldn't normally be around, but now you are.
Well, here's a list of things you can do to ease that situation.

What it can feel like being introduced to a friend's friend for the first time.

1) Keep your eyes peeled for a pet. If the place you're at has a cat, or better yet, a dog, a nice old dog that is friendly, you're home free. Having a pet to... pet, or hold, or play with (play with would be the best scenario) you have a great buffer between you and the rest of the awkward people around you.

Bonus tip: If there's food out - and it's a party, there better be food, grab some meat/cheese for the pet and you're guaranteed a good half hour with this life saving animal.

2) Drink. If you can't beat em, join them. Hopefully people are drinking. If they are, get a good buzz on. Try to scare up a drinking game.

3) Have a lighter and smokes. Even if you don't smoke, saying "just going to step outside for a smoke" is a good 15 - 20 minute escape to be outside, text (where it's socially acceptable without being rude/snobby), or if you're lucky, meet some people that are doing the same thing you're doing. You don't have to inhale. No one suspects a fake smoker. This is my ace up my sleeve. Not sure if this is stereotypical, but I find the more fun, cooler, easier going people smoke at a party. Of course there'll be a douche, or a bitchy bitch that smokes too, and will bum one off you, but that's the breaks. Everyone is really nice to fellow smokers. I don't smoke at all .... well when I drink I'll have a smoke, and this works great.
Bonus tip: If you're brave enough, having a lighter on you while you're around people who smoke is a perfect way to break the glass if you want to chat someone up.  I carried a lighter with me whenever I went to the bar, and offering a light to chicks that needed one was a great ice breaker.

4) Find the one who's like you. At a party there's at least 1 person who will play the following role: Ring leader/attention hog, 2 friends who talk only amongst themselves (usually girls), video game people, movie/TV people, and 1 or 2 people sitting alone, texting or just not drunk enough to get to know everyone. Finding these people, the same people that don't want to put themselves out there to get to know anyone, are your best friends. You should start by saying how weird it is not knowing anyone. Then they'll agree, and you're off!


5) Gay people. They're fun, funny, and always nice. Befriend some gay people. Sorry for the positive stereotype, but I love gay people.

6) Find the stoners. If people are smoking weed, totally befriend them. There are no easier people to hang out with and befriend at a party than stoners.

7) Find your damn friend(s) that you came with and don't leave their side! Tell them this party is shit for you and they better had not abandon you and start showing you a good time.

8) Lights, camera, cell phone. This is a reach but, pretend to get a phone call and leave the room. I can't say I've been proud of this one, but it works. Practice your acting chops.

9) Bond. Try to connect the dots of what people are talking about to something you know a lot about. If people are talking about Netflix, and you love Orange is the New Black, pipe up. Or if they talk about comedies and you love Will Ferrell, pipe up.  You'll find common ground and hit it off.

10) Be yourself. If you're shy, be shy. Fuck them. When people ask why you're so quiet, a great answer is "I'm just listening". Thank you Henry Hill - great line in Goodfellas. Usually people will ask formal questions to get to know you and you can decide how much you want to let them in or not.

Hope this helped! Let me know if any of these worked for you.